Although it feels sacrilegious to say this on Easter, I feel I must make a confession:
Until very recently, I didn't understand what was so amazing about grace.
You hear all the time in church about how amazing it is that God chose to come save us from our sins, and you see and hear people getting so emotional about it, but what are they normally saying? "Jesus came to die for YOU! Isn't that amazing, just so completely awesome? For you. He did it for His glory--so you can glorify Him to all the nations of the world!"
To continue my sacrilegious confession, I always secretly thought that this seemed a little, well----vain of God. I always agreed that He deserves praise (trust me, I'm very aware of who I am in relation to Him, and I'm very impressed), but there's been a part of me that asks, "So, wait, He saved us so we could tell Him how awesome He is, and then tell other people how awesome He is so then THEY can tell Him how awesome He is? Why would anybody want to follow this religion?"
So a couple of months ago, I prayed to Him, "Father, You know I'm not saying I don't like You or that You're not deserving of praise, but is this seriously it? It just seems so.....lacking in substance. Could You please explain to me why Jesus dying on the cross for me was so amazing?"
I struggled with this for weeks, until finally (I felt) an answer came. I was singing "Jesus Paid It All," and the lyrics
"Oh praise the One who paid my debt, and raised this life up from the dead"suddenly had a new meaning. I heard Him say, "Grace is amazing because you don't have to be the person you were born to be. You were born with sin inside of you, but because you allowed Me into your life, you are no longer a slave to that sin, and are free to be better. I wanted to save you from the person you were going to be."
Immediately I thought of all the sins I naturally have a propensity toward (everyone has different ones--it's pretty interesting), and wondered what I would look like right now if I didn't have Him to save me from myself. I realized my life would look nothing like it does now, and I was so thankful grace had saved me from myself. Why don't we, as Christians, talk about this more?
Today was Easter, and we celebrated Christ's victory over death. As Christians we tend to think of this in terms of Heaven and Hell, but we forget this could be a symbol of our earthly lives as well. Jesus nailed our sins to the cross so we could die to our old selves and be resurrected as new beings, completely victorious over the death our old lives bring. We can have a new start and a new hope.
It's interesting, because I just found out the theme of my mission trip to Japan this summer is "Choose Life," and it will focus on Japan's high suicide rate (the highest in the world). This is a social issue that has been on my heart for years, and I can't help but wonder if maybe my questioning the value of grace (and the subsequent insight) won't help me and my team this summer. How many Japanese people do you think would welcome a God who loves them unconditionally, and wants to heal their brokenness and take away their pain?
Please be praying for me and my team as we get ready for this summer. Please pray God would continue to show me effective ways to talk with the Japanese people about this God who loves and restores, and that their hearts will be softened and healed.
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