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"Are we happy plastic people?
Under shiny plastic steeples,
With walls around our weakness,
And smiles to hide our pain.
But if the invitation's open,
To every heart that has been broken,
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade."

Once again, God has used a Casting Crowns song to perfectly capture how I feel.

I don't know what it was, but for whatever reason I started to feel a little frustrated tonight with my church/Christian friends situation.

Quick aside: If you're reading this and you're a friend of mine, please do not automatically assume I'm referring to you. However, please do read all the way to the end to read what I hope I can expect from you as a Christian brother or sister, and what you can expect from me in return. Now back to the thought I began in the previous paragraph...

I was thinking how frustrated I've been in church, feeling like everyone acts so perfectly sweet and milk-toasty, yet still keeping each other at arm's length. I have yet to pick up any vibes that say, "It's OK to be open and honest with your struggles and doubts, and it's also OK to not be OK." I feel like everyone has these sickly sweet smiles plastered on their faces and sparkles in their eyes only because they're afraid they're not proclaiming the changing power of Christ in their lives unless they constantly look happy and peaceful.

There also seems to be some unwritten, tacitly understood code that you are not allowed to have a personality if you are a Christian. Both men and women are expected to regard each other with soft, dewey eyes of love and peacefulness, and NEVER make jokes unless they will provoke a giggling response. If the joke makes you laugh hysterically, it must be sinful somehow, and you most definitely need to stifle such laughter and regard the naughty one who told the joke with laughing but surprised eyes.

You can tell I have encountered this reaction multiple times before.

But perhaps what irks me the most is how everyone seems to feel you must always somehow incorporate the words "God's glory" into any and every sentence, even if it makes absolutely NO sense. Honestly, when you use it that much, it begins to have no meaning. If I want to thank God for the banana slushie I'm about to eat, and pray that "You would use my eating this banana slushie.....uhh....Father God, for Your glory, and I just praise You and thank You for this slushie, Father God, and ask that Your name would be glorified, Father God. Amen."

What?

Don't misunderstand me. Obviously God is indescribably amazing and I'm in awe of what He did for me despite who I am, but as a writer it bothers me to hear people throw a wonderful truth into absolutely everything, and diluting its verity by turning it into a Christian catchphrase/non sequitur.

I bring this up because I feel it's another way we hide our true selves from each other. We create little catchphrases that we can throw into our sentences when we feel ourselves drifting into "unhappy and unpleasant" territory, and no one can question us. "My day was so hard. I bombed a test, I locked myself out of my apartment, then I forgot to go to the store....but.....yeah, it's all OK. God's got everything under control :)." To which the appropriate response is, "Yeah, God is so amazing. He's just like.....yeah, so awesome :)." Then we fasten our happy glowing eyes on one another and slowly nod our heads while saying "Yeahhh...." with contented, knowing smiles. Dragging out the nods and "Yeahhhs..." helps us not actually engage in a real conversation, which could be the death of our squeaky clean facades.

This is hard to write, because I love the people I meet at church, but I absolutely hate how it seems we feel we have to keep up a mask so we will appear Christian. Who decided this sweet, sappy, incredibly dull and unoriginal mask was what we all need to wear? Why do we try to act like the Jesus we saw in the Jesus videos as kids? I want a community where I can talk with REAL people about my life, and they can honestly share their lives with me (and we can crack a real joke once in awhile!).

To my Christian friends out there, please accept my sincerest apologies for the times I have fallen into this trap of putting on a mask to appear Christlike, when what I really needed to do was be real and allow myself to be vulnerable. You need to know I struggle with dark sins--some of which have been either removed from me or curbed significantly because of God's work within me, and others that I still deal with daily. I'm truly sorry for the times I have been fake with you, and may have made you feel that I have it all together, and that I'm somehow not a soft place to land if you ever fall and need someone to help you up. I will be there for you, and I'm not afraid to admit there is nothing good about me except what Christ has wrought within me, and there is no sin or struggle you could ever confide to me that would shock me or make me question your walk with God. We are all gross and evil, and pretending like we aren't and not being honest with each other is Satan's way of ensuring he can get us alone and lead us away from God. Don't fall for it; let's you and I get real with each other.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." - 2 Cor. 12:9 (ESV Study Bible)

We don't prove to each other that we're great Christians because of our seeming lack of imperfections; we ARE more Christlike when we're honest and even thankful for our weaknesses. Also read 1 John 1:5-10, and listen to Casting Crown's "Stained Glass Masquerade" and tell me if you don't agree that we are dealing with a plastic menace in our churches that is damaging our relationships with each other and God.