Don't worry, be happy.

At my university, no matter what your major is, you're required to take two business calculus classes. As is typical of most writer-types, I'm not exactly gifted in the math arena, so I wasn't thrilled by the prospect of selling my soul to the despotic Math God for several weeks. To make matters worse, by "freak" chance I was forced to take it at my university instead of at a community college, therefore increasing the difficulty level a hundredfold.

"Freak," as you may have noticed, is in quotation marks, indicating a hidden, potentially facetious use of the word. Well, I'll just go ahead and kill the suspense--I DON'T think it was a freak chance. In retrospect, I see a stream of events carefully orchestrated by a Higher Power, which had the sole purpose of ultimately culminating in this miraculous spiritual insight:


"Lindsey, you worry too much. Stop it."


Earthquakes! Explosions! Thunderclaps! Other terms indicating a world-rocking epiphany! What was He saying? That He's the God of the universe, and I need to quit pretending I gain some sort of control by worrying? Shocking!

In all seriousness, it was a little more in-depth than that. The lesson He taught me through the pain (see previous post entitled "The Crucible of Pain") of taking this math class completely changed my views on worry.

Before this summer, I never really thought of worry as being a sin. In my mind, if you were worried about something, it showed you cared, and you were likely to do better at whatever you were attempting because you worried about it. Big test coming up? Push the panic button and get studying! If you're not worried, you probably won't study hard enough!

I'm sure some of you are already protesting this. "But Lindsey, if you don't have SOME amount of worry, you probably really won't do well on a test!"

Don't get terms confused. I'm talking about learning not to worry, not about learning not to care. "Worry" implies to me a sense of panic, and a feeling that you could somehow control the outcome of events if you just try hard enough. At the opposite end of the spectrum is "not caring." To me, this term implies laziness, irresponsibility, and an expectation that things should simply be handed to you.

Neither of these attitudes are correct. As I learned this summer, what we need is a balanced attitude that says, "I will be faithful with what I have been given (see Matt. 25:14-30 for a similar idea), but I will trust that the Lord will ultimately decide what the outcome of my best work will be. Therefore, why should I worry?"

As I have personally experienced since being in college, you can absolutely work your butt off to do well on a test, finish a project on time, etc., and still make a bad grade. There have been many times where I thought, "How could that be? I gave it my all! How could I still have made that lesser grade?"

I believe it's because God's ultimate concern isn't ensuring I receive high grades; rather, He is mainly (I could argue "only") concerned about my spiritual development.

I received this insight about halfway through the summer semester, after He led me to read a paragraph out of Richard Foster's Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home. I realized I was so concerned about maintaining my GPA and not appearing stupid for failing a class that I had allowed the sin of worry to dominate my life. God showed me that, in my quest for material things, I was sacrificing our relationship and placing my faith in my personal efforts, when He was the One who would ultimately decide the outcome.

From that moment on, every time I started to feel anxiety begin to creep back in, I would think, "Is this sin really worth hurting my relationship with God?" The answer was always no, of course, and I continued to work, resting assured that all He called me to do was be faithful with the task He set before me, and the ultimate outcome was in the hands of a caring Father who wants the best for me, and who loves me enough to place my spiritual growth at the forefront, even when that means I must experience pain at times.

"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys." - Luke 12:25-34 (ESV Study Bible), italics mine.

Don't let the sin of worry hinder your chasing after Him and His kingdom, the pursuit of which calls us to live a life in service and sacrifice to others; the antithesis of worrying about your personal success and worldly gains.