I’ve been noticing this trend in our society that says we should focus wholly on self to find personal enlightenment and inner peace. The movie Eat, Pray, Love just came out, and I read an article yesterday about a new HBO show called “The Big C,” where the main character is dying from an incurable melanoma, but she has chosen to not tell her husband or son, and instead live out the remainder of her life to (what she perceives to be) its fullest. There are a myriad of other examples I could mention, and really it’s not news that our society is self-absorbed, but I think I may have connected something that I’m unsure if anyone has connected before.
I’m afraid this “look inside to better yourself and find enlightenment” ideology has silently pervaded the Christian community.
I must preface what I’m about to say with admitting that I’ve been struggling with my faith all summer. Legalism is still a big concern for me, and this accusation of “You’re not worthy to come before God because you’re so sinful” somehow still rings in my head, and I somehow still believe it. I have been shying away from God, thinking that he’s angered when I try to draw near, and that he would fling my apologies back in my face because “You don’t truly mean it; you’ll keep sinning.”
I see that typed out and I can recognize that it’s wrong, but I didn’t know how to see God in a different light. Then it occurred to me:
I don’t know how to see him in a different light, because I’m looking inside myself to find him.
This is, of course, obvious. You don’t get to know someone by forming opinions of them in your own mind, and then dwelling on those thoughts about their personality and coming to conclusions about what you think they would do or be like—your opinions and thoughts are completely biased toward what you would do. And even reading about that person isn’t enough (just reading the Bible, for example)—you must experience them, get to know them. But how do you do that with God?
I think the answer is, Get outside of yourself, and seek him where he is instead of trying to find him within yourself.
But where is he?
There are moments in life when, I believe, heaven and earth reach out and touch each other. I can’t really describe them—there’s a certain feeling I get when I see it happening, which I can best describe as me being “awestruck,” mainly because I feel the presence of God presiding over the entire situation. These moments tend to occur when I witness (or partake in) an act of random kindness toward a person in need; I can feel the presence of God there, and I continue to feel it even after the act has been completed.
God is in these moments, and these moments occur when the body of Christ starts moving and acting as the body of Christ, reaching out and touching others’ lives. I find it interesting that Jesus spent the majority of his time on earth serving others and telling his disciples to do the same. Of course he prayed and spent time to reflect and be with God, but this was to rest after all of his intense serving, not to navel-gaze and think about how he could “better himself.”
I’ve been praying a lot over the years, begging God to show me how our relationship can be different, because the way it is now is exhausting and burdened with a sense of guilt on my end. Don’t ask me how this Breakaway podcast led me to this conclusion (I don’t remember), but I think the next logical step is to focus on serving in a way that God has equipped me to serve.
My mom has written an excellent article about finding God’s will for your life, and in it she asserts that Christians are called to actively participate in tikkun olam—repairing and restoring that which is broken in the world. She is also a college and career counselor who directs students to their ideal college majors by helping them uncover their natural talents, so her article is about participating in tikkun olam by using the gifts God has given you.
I plan to look around and see where God could use my specific abilities, and try to get reacquainted with him.
With regard to both my feeling like I am unworthy to approach God because of my sins, and that we are to seek to serve others:
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Eph. 2:8-10, ESV)God hasn’t allowed my looking for him through reading his Word, having reflection time and offering up prayer to work because he wants for us to get to know each other first, and for me to learn to love him. And I see now that he intends to woo me by calling me to participate in the places where heaven and earth are touching—the places where he is practicing tikkun olam.
